Thursday, March 21, 2013

Am I Bacon You Horny, Baby?

That was lame. I know. Forgive me. 

I found out that Yankee Candle now has a bacon scent and it inspired me. I don't know why all of a sudden bacon has joined the ranks of Angry Cat and a Tardis as far as popularity in pop culture because bacon has been around for like ever. However, I will accept that men appreciate all things bacon. 

And that, my friends, has led me to my new personal man getting tactics. This morning, after I cooked bacon, I let the grease cool down and then I dabbed a little all over me. Fuck pheromones and expensive perfume; I'm going the barbaric, au naturale route. 

It has been amazing. I suggest anyone to try it. Note my success stories:

1) I was standing in the hall, talking to a friend when a gentleman walks by and says, "pardon me ladies."
2) In the elevator, a totally different man said "good morning."
3) This shit is seriously potent because when I was in my car and at a 4 way stop, a man in a big truck let me go before him. I might have had my window cracked a little, but that was still a significant distance of travel for an aroma. 
And finally...
4) At lunch, some men sat two tables from us.

The day isn't even over yet and I've had men all over me. This stuff is amazing. By the end of the day, if someone smiles at me, I will know this shit was golden and I'll be one bacon grease day away from my third, fourth, and fifth husbands. 

Your Favorite Porker,
Meg

No comments:

Post a Comment