Jizzebel

My daughter's birthday was this weekend and we had a big family gathering at the Music Midtown festival in Atlanta. She was hoping to get to meet Eddie Vedder but it's probably for the best that she didn't. I think we will save that for her eleventh birthday. She needs something to look forward to. 

The first night we stayed with one of my all time BFFs and her hubby and kids. It was marvelous. Nothing traumatic happened. Except that we colored my hair. That's always traumatic. Or dramatic. Probably both. 

In the time it took to drive from my friend's on Saturday to the point that we picked up my cousin, mother, and nieces, I had an epiphany. When I was talking to Yel, I came up with an ingenious, albeit disgusting, way to have men all over women. 

This is the female version of Matt Dillon's faux pas in There's Something About Mary. When a girl is going out, and she needs to relieve some stress before, she should try manual pleasure. 

After she finishes, her moisture can be used as hair gel. That part isn't original, but I swear to you that this idea makes perfect sense. You see, the "hair gel" will contain pheromones. It will be a subliminal message a chick can send. 

She will be giving out the silent message of "yeah, you know you want me." but she won't have to act all slutty or get drunk or dress like a hooker. She will just casually stand near a man she finds attractive and bam! It's like witchcraft but better because no chanting is involved. Or she could chant. Whatever works. 

Let me know if you've tried this. If it works, I'd like to get some royalties off of your pussy juice. 

Distastefully yours,

Meg