I Can't Visit Tim Because I'm a Whore

No, really. It's true. He texted me last night asking what I was doing this weekend. I was all, "I'm going out of town and getting laid." Which is only partially true. 

I'm prepping to be out of town for the week. I'm leaving Sunday and hope to meet up with my current fling. Plus I have tons of shit to do before I leave. Tim is all, "you're such a slut. I hate you." Which, again, is only partially true. He doesn't actually hate me. Then he asked, "which one is this?" and I was appalled. Any true friend of mine should never have to ask that. They should be able to keep up with this shit. It's not like there are *that* many. 

He's just upset that he isn't getting laid. Which sucks, but I've tried to help him over and over again. When we'd go out, I'd point out chicks by title. We would see: "Most Likely to Give Head," "Most Likely to Vomit on the Bed," and even "Most Likely to be Submissive." 

I would pump him up by saying things like, "you're a sexy beast" or "just stick your dick in her mouth." Then I'd give him explicit instructions on what to say or how to act. Short of doing this for him, it would have gotten any man laid a dozen times over; however, Tim isn't just any man. 

He'd go fucking pansy on me. He'd be all, "I can't just fuck someone and never talk to them again." WTF? Are you even a male? Then he'd say things like "I have to get to know her first." Seriously, dude, go have that vagina surgically removed. It is hindering your sex life. 

I totally get fear of rejection. We all have it. It hurts our ego when we get denied. And it's easier for chicks. I totally understand. However, if you never try, you will never learn the dos and don'ts. Throw yourself out there a little. Have a little vulnerability. Become humble. 

Now, I say these things as I myself struggle with them too. So, I think we should all practice together. Let's all go out on a limb. Life will be more exciting. Let's all endure humility. 

Your Whore in the Making,

Meg