Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Boats 'n hos

This weekend, I went to the gulf with Meg, her daughter whom we will call Cheez, and Gator which is Meg's S.O. It was a short trip, and generally uneventful as compared to past trips with and without Meg. There were no drunken episodes, no accidental fires, and only one almost wreck. Which might have been Meg's fault, but I told her that it wasn't so that she wouldn't cuss me out. I still think bitches can't drive. Maybe they should all have their licenses taken away until they prove they can do the task as good as a man. After all, she did smash my face into the dash with her shitty driving! Even though the trip had no major issues, we did have one dead car battery, two days on the beach, three of us with sunburns, and countless hot chicks. Oh, and I was able to rent a kick ass powered wheelchair for the beach. Since we decided at almost the last minute to take this trip, all of the regular beach wheelchairs were taken. For some reason, I had not searched for power chairs, but I decided to once we got there. And this woman and her husband make these power chairs and will deliver and pick them up for you. It was great. Big shout out to for providing such an awesome service! This is the first time I have been able to get on the beach in forever even though I find myself traveling to the coast pretty often. I was able to ride right up the water's edge and enjoy the scenery. And by scenery, I mean damn near naked chicks. You see, I like the beach for a completely different reason than most people. Yeah, the beach is nice, and peaceful, and all the other shit people say, but after a day of it, maybe two, I get bored. I can't just sit out in the sun on gritty sand all day for days on end and consider myself relaxed. After a few days, I want to slit my wrists for just some type of entertainment. I do, however, absolutely love people watching. And people watching when those people have on hardly any clothes makes it even that much better. I saw so many girls of all different sizes, styles, and hair colors that were so scantily clad, their mamas would have been embarrassed. I absolutely loved it. I even saw a few that should be havin' my baby. I love the summertime clothing. I love that the beach makes summertime clothing seem like nuns in habits. I love that I can sit on the beach and enjoy the scenery. Basically, the power chair gave me access to better views. It gave me the opportunity to watch the boats 'n hos. It also gained me so many stares of my own, I should have charged admission. I guess it's not enough that I'm just a fat guy in a wheelchair. Throw in the fact that I was a shirtless fat guy in a power wheelchair on the beach with a red Mohawk and all of my tattoos showing and I got stared at more than a feature dancer at a strip club. Of course as hot as most of the girls were that were staring at me made me only have one thought, "Wanna ride in my lap, Sugar?"

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